Hope you are doing great and mumbai treats you well. I have once again dared to write to you quite aware of the fact that you will delete this mail anyways :)
I am writing just to be sure that things never went untold.
I dont know if you would believe me (you dont have a reasonal rational enough) but I have always adored you for various reasons and sometimes away from a reason. I knew I never wanted a reason for liking you so much. I very much understand that I really am not a part of your world ( I am not as dumb as that, ain't I?) but Ironically, may be due to my childhood, environment and my mind (which continues to play pranks at me), I have always imagined you to be my friend, companion and a guide. Whenever I had a difficulty I kinda consulted you, and whenever I was happy I shared it with you. I kinda imagined you as an alterego who understands my world. I know its sounds crazy but that's what is the truth. I remember whatever happened long back was not good may be but it certainly left me this imaginary friend, that was you. When I tried to contact you again it was purely a fascination to have you as a friend in real. But now I realise that imaginations generally dont get real, may be coz they dont have ego as the individual being has or may be they are too perfect to be true. I will also make it sure that I am definitely not one of those guys who would mask there evil desires under the veil of friendship and then backstab. I was never that material. In fact I was too naive to be like that, or may be you never had taught me that. Every single word of the testimonial I wrote to you is true and what I still believe, even after knowing the fact that you dont like me, neither hate me. Though it kinda pains to know that the most important person in your life doesn't even care if you were still alive.
When you didn't reply to my scraps or even my mails I was pretty sure that you didn't like doing it coz you always thought that I am not a suitable friend, my profile was so weak. I never did well in exams, no good scores, not a student frm any respectable institutions :) silly wasn't that? Or may ne not. I have always tried to impress my imaginary friend with my knowledge and much more. But I knew somewhere that that wasn't a reason. It was probably because of no reason. Atleast you dont need a reason for hating if you dont need it for liking someone.
To me the simplest reason a person can be your friend is that they have common interests. We had something in common. We both love reading, math. And that was enough for me to befriend you but sadly, not enough for you I suppose.
Finally,
I have very well understood that you will never accept to be my real friend (thank god you dont control my imagination, you rock it though ). And I will be living with this fact may be all my life(?) but what I would like to tell you is if I can be your friend even after not talking to you in years and not remembering your face (haven't seen you in years as well), I can very well continue to be like that, in fact I will never lose a good friend.
I have written all this non-sense just to keep myself away from the guilt that I never tried to explain myself coz to me you are the only one alive whom I would even care to explain.
I hope you have a great life and a you leave a great story behind told long after you are gone.
Take good care of yourself,
Love
Arun
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